Possibly infringing on someone's something, somewhere. Apologies.
An excerpt from John Hodgman's "Secret History of the Territory. "
OREGON
Nickname: The Big Beaver Furrier’s Dreamland
Motto: “In Oregon, Where the Shadows Lie.”
Notes: Prior to the Oregon Treaty of 1846, the Oregon Territory was a rugged land, dangerously overrun with beavers and British settlers, and stretching from the tip of present-day Cailfornia to the North Pole. Seriously, it was simply gigantic. Parts of Oregon were regularly found in empty lots and basements as far east as Illinois. When Oregon was discovered hanging around the outskirts of Baltimore, President Polk cried out, “Fifty-Four Forty or Fight!” His council of numerologists immediately scryed the meaning: Oregon was to be stopped. After two years of concerted spellweaving and secret bloody battles, the president’s geographimancers at last fixed Oregon’s northward boundary to the 49th parallel. With Oregon’s back to the sea, the government would continue long after Polk’s death to push Oregon south from Canada and west from the Rockies to its current boundaries, where it seethes now, perpetually covered in a dark cloud of marijuana smoke, ever dreaming of conquest.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
Some things never get old....
Including "your mom" and "that's what she said" jokes. Really. I'll laugh at them up until the day I die. Maybe I would be laughing at one as I die. There are worse ways to go.
Some things do get old. Parents who are rude and disrespectful are currently at the top of that list. I wish they could all cut me a break once in awhile.
But guess who I gave a reaaaaaaaaal break to last night? YOUR MOM.
Some things do get old. Parents who are rude and disrespectful are currently at the top of that list. I wish they could all cut me a break once in awhile.
But guess who I gave a reaaaaaaaaal break to last night? YOUR MOM.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
"Drucken Sie bitte die zwei...."
No, animatronic and unnecissarily angry sounding German phone lady voice, I will not drucken die zwei. What I will do is throw my phone across the room in a childish but very satisfying fit of annoyance and frustration.
It's times like these when I waver between despising being in a foreign country because I can't always understand what is going on around me (even after living here for over a year now) and despising myself for not yet speaking the language well enough to navigate a mother effing automatic call menu. I go between thinking "Germany, why do you do this to me!?" and "Bri, why do you do this to yourself!? Go get yo' skanky ass down to the language school and git to learnin' some more German!" Yes, I imagine myself saying this in the style and voice of a streetwise African-American grandmother sitting in a rocking chair. It both amuses and motivates me. Don't ask me to explain why- I don't even know. I promise I'm not a racist.
I digress. I'm supremely annoyed at the fact that my German speaking skills have not progresseed beyond the point of "sounding like a demented five year old" status. I'm also embarrassed at this fact because I took two years of German in college, and one of those years was spent living in AUSTRIA. Where they speak....GERMAN. My listening skills have improved greatly, which I suppose is a good thing, since I can understand most of what people say to me, if they speak slower than normal and repeat things when I ask them to. I also like to think I'm charming enough to keep people from becoming impatient with me and walking away shaking their heads in disgust before I've gained the necessary information from them. (Yes this did happen once, but I chalk it up to me looking like a vagrant and the train station man not being at his most cheerful at 5 AM.)
But apparently these skills do not enable me to understand the stupid voice on the call menu, the voice which does not speak slower or repeat anything, for anyone...EVER. It's kind of like Satan, in a way. I imagine Satan wouldn't speak slower or repeat what he said for anyone. So you see the obvious connection. So, in order for me to overcome what is currently a large source of frustration in my life, and to overcome Satan, I need to start speaking some more German. Here is my plan:
1.) Go to Kaestner Kollege (language school) on Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday (I like to give myself flexibility in scheduling, ok?) and sign up for the German class I researched three months ago but never got around to signing up for.
2.) Go to said German class and learn lots of new stuff. I'm good at going to school, this part should be easy.
3.) Actually speak to people in such environments as the grocery store, post office, street corner, etc. rather than avoiding eye contact at all costs and keeping my headphones in all the time so no one will even think of approaching me.
4.) Read German magazines and/or newspapers.....at least the easy articles.
I currently do some of these things in a half assed fashion, giving up when it becomes too difficult or embarrassing. But no longer! The next time my neighbor talks to me in the elevator, I'll do more than nod and smile and pray for the doors to open. I'll say.....something.
Ok, enough whining about not speaking the langauge of the country I currently reside in. Some interesting facts concerning my life at the moment:
*I went to the US for a month this summer. It was an incredibly enjoyable trip, despite the fact that I didn't get to see everyone I wanted to see. It sounds lame since a month is a long time but...there just wasn't enough time. I did get to drive a car and go shopping at 10:30 at night though, so there were some definite high points.
*STARBUCKS IS COMING TO DRESDEN. I feel this fact speaks for itself. And don't judge me, all you judgers out there, because once you've had as many bad cups of coffee as I have in the past 14 months, you too would rejoice at the thought of knowing exactly how your coffee was going to taste before it even tickled your taste buds. So get over it.
*My apartment is awesome. My friend Debbie "watered my plants" while I was gone this summer, which apparently is code for extreme home makeover. She scrubbed and cleaned and organized every inch of this place AND stocked my old Mother Hubbard status kitchen with food. It was all a surprise too- I came home from the airport hot, tired, pissed off at having to maneuver two heavy and ungainly suitcases up to the fifth floor- and opened the door to an entryway so clean the sparkles pinging off the floor nearly blinded me. Needless to say, Debbie's work was much appreciated, and has inspired me to keep the place clean and tidy. Good friends will know that this has often been one of my great struggles in life.
*I can cook! I really can! I might not be auditioning for Top Chef this summer (I'm thinking 2012 has a nice ring to it though) but I have actually started to eat more than tofu patties and cereal and milk. I know, I know, it sounds like a meager existence, but I think you underestimate my love of both tofu and cereal, as well as convenience. Last week I made chili, which turned out better than I ever thought anything I made could have. Yesterday and today I made both garlic bread (not that exciting but I'm trying to celebrate my successes here, people) and french toast. Both delicious. And easy. I'm finding that once you actually have the right kinds of ingredients and equipment around, cooking isn't all that hard. I've become better about buying something other than condiments every time I go grocery shopping. Just ask my friend Anne Kalos about this one. It's a serious problem I have. What can I say, the siren call of the salad dressing/dipping sauce aisle is just too hard to resist. But those days are over! Well, mostly. I did have cereal for dinner last night.
*I threw a party Friday night, my first hostessing of any sort since moving here. I think the word party might even be stretching it a bit, but there were food, alcohol, and a bunch of my friends all in my apartment at the same time. The phrase "glory hole" was tossed around a lot throughout the evening as well....I'll take it.
*I got a new sports bra last week, and am currently trying to break it in. Yes, these things need to be broken in, do not question my authority on this issue. I'm having some serious misgivings about this one on the comfort front, but I already took the tags off. Curses! Guess it'll have to do. At least it does provide the necessary squashage. Shut up, it's a word because I say it is.
*The new school year has started and we're almost a month in........................................I don't really have much to say on the subject at this point. I feel like a lot less of a fraud than I did at this time last year, but I still sometimes feel like slamming my head against the wall repeatedly at the end of the day. But I didn't cry at all during the first week, so I will consider this the mark of true growth and success and just ride the wave, baby. I also am still counting my blessings, because although my school has no language curriculum whatsoever for me to follow, as well as very unique parents, and this makes me feel anxious and upset on a daily basis, I still only have SIXTEEN STUDENTS. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, American public school system.
*I have been going to the gym three times a week. This week is the big week where I'm going to bump it up to four. Even if it kills me. It's worth it just to watch the outlandish shows on German cable television.
*I'm going to London for a quick weekend visit in two weeks. The plane ticket was twenty euros, round trip. Germany may have the annoying quality of not catering to my language needs, but if there's any European country more perfectly located for someone who loves to travel the continent, then I'm a monkey's uncle. Now if only Dresden had a bigger airport....
*I bought a vacuum and may possibly love it more than life itself.
*This last piece of news confirms the fact that I am turning into an old person.
Well, holy mother of all blog posts. If you made it this far, then here's a cookie. Enjoy it.
More to come, as soon as something interesting happens, or I buy another home cleaning tool.
It's times like these when I waver between despising being in a foreign country because I can't always understand what is going on around me (even after living here for over a year now) and despising myself for not yet speaking the language well enough to navigate a mother effing automatic call menu. I go between thinking "Germany, why do you do this to me!?" and "Bri, why do you do this to yourself!? Go get yo' skanky ass down to the language school and git to learnin' some more German!" Yes, I imagine myself saying this in the style and voice of a streetwise African-American grandmother sitting in a rocking chair. It both amuses and motivates me. Don't ask me to explain why- I don't even know. I promise I'm not a racist.
I digress. I'm supremely annoyed at the fact that my German speaking skills have not progresseed beyond the point of "sounding like a demented five year old" status. I'm also embarrassed at this fact because I took two years of German in college, and one of those years was spent living in AUSTRIA. Where they speak....GERMAN. My listening skills have improved greatly, which I suppose is a good thing, since I can understand most of what people say to me, if they speak slower than normal and repeat things when I ask them to. I also like to think I'm charming enough to keep people from becoming impatient with me and walking away shaking their heads in disgust before I've gained the necessary information from them. (Yes this did happen once, but I chalk it up to me looking like a vagrant and the train station man not being at his most cheerful at 5 AM.)
But apparently these skills do not enable me to understand the stupid voice on the call menu, the voice which does not speak slower or repeat anything, for anyone...EVER. It's kind of like Satan, in a way. I imagine Satan wouldn't speak slower or repeat what he said for anyone. So you see the obvious connection. So, in order for me to overcome what is currently a large source of frustration in my life, and to overcome Satan, I need to start speaking some more German. Here is my plan:
1.) Go to Kaestner Kollege (language school) on Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday (I like to give myself flexibility in scheduling, ok?) and sign up for the German class I researched three months ago but never got around to signing up for.
2.) Go to said German class and learn lots of new stuff. I'm good at going to school, this part should be easy.
3.) Actually speak to people in such environments as the grocery store, post office, street corner, etc. rather than avoiding eye contact at all costs and keeping my headphones in all the time so no one will even think of approaching me.
4.) Read German magazines and/or newspapers.....at least the easy articles.
I currently do some of these things in a half assed fashion, giving up when it becomes too difficult or embarrassing. But no longer! The next time my neighbor talks to me in the elevator, I'll do more than nod and smile and pray for the doors to open. I'll say.....something.
Ok, enough whining about not speaking the langauge of the country I currently reside in. Some interesting facts concerning my life at the moment:
*I went to the US for a month this summer. It was an incredibly enjoyable trip, despite the fact that I didn't get to see everyone I wanted to see. It sounds lame since a month is a long time but...there just wasn't enough time. I did get to drive a car and go shopping at 10:30 at night though, so there were some definite high points.
*STARBUCKS IS COMING TO DRESDEN. I feel this fact speaks for itself. And don't judge me, all you judgers out there, because once you've had as many bad cups of coffee as I have in the past 14 months, you too would rejoice at the thought of knowing exactly how your coffee was going to taste before it even tickled your taste buds. So get over it.
*My apartment is awesome. My friend Debbie "watered my plants" while I was gone this summer, which apparently is code for extreme home makeover. She scrubbed and cleaned and organized every inch of this place AND stocked my old Mother Hubbard status kitchen with food. It was all a surprise too- I came home from the airport hot, tired, pissed off at having to maneuver two heavy and ungainly suitcases up to the fifth floor- and opened the door to an entryway so clean the sparkles pinging off the floor nearly blinded me. Needless to say, Debbie's work was much appreciated, and has inspired me to keep the place clean and tidy. Good friends will know that this has often been one of my great struggles in life.
*I can cook! I really can! I might not be auditioning for Top Chef this summer (I'm thinking 2012 has a nice ring to it though) but I have actually started to eat more than tofu patties and cereal and milk. I know, I know, it sounds like a meager existence, but I think you underestimate my love of both tofu and cereal, as well as convenience. Last week I made chili, which turned out better than I ever thought anything I made could have. Yesterday and today I made both garlic bread (not that exciting but I'm trying to celebrate my successes here, people) and french toast. Both delicious. And easy. I'm finding that once you actually have the right kinds of ingredients and equipment around, cooking isn't all that hard. I've become better about buying something other than condiments every time I go grocery shopping. Just ask my friend Anne Kalos about this one. It's a serious problem I have. What can I say, the siren call of the salad dressing/dipping sauce aisle is just too hard to resist. But those days are over! Well, mostly. I did have cereal for dinner last night.
*I threw a party Friday night, my first hostessing of any sort since moving here. I think the word party might even be stretching it a bit, but there were food, alcohol, and a bunch of my friends all in my apartment at the same time. The phrase "glory hole" was tossed around a lot throughout the evening as well....I'll take it.
*I got a new sports bra last week, and am currently trying to break it in. Yes, these things need to be broken in, do not question my authority on this issue. I'm having some serious misgivings about this one on the comfort front, but I already took the tags off. Curses! Guess it'll have to do. At least it does provide the necessary squashage. Shut up, it's a word because I say it is.
*The new school year has started and we're almost a month in........................................I don't really have much to say on the subject at this point. I feel like a lot less of a fraud than I did at this time last year, but I still sometimes feel like slamming my head against the wall repeatedly at the end of the day. But I didn't cry at all during the first week, so I will consider this the mark of true growth and success and just ride the wave, baby. I also am still counting my blessings, because although my school has no language curriculum whatsoever for me to follow, as well as very unique parents, and this makes me feel anxious and upset on a daily basis, I still only have SIXTEEN STUDENTS. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, American public school system.
*I have been going to the gym three times a week. This week is the big week where I'm going to bump it up to four. Even if it kills me. It's worth it just to watch the outlandish shows on German cable television.
*I'm going to London for a quick weekend visit in two weeks. The plane ticket was twenty euros, round trip. Germany may have the annoying quality of not catering to my language needs, but if there's any European country more perfectly located for someone who loves to travel the continent, then I'm a monkey's uncle. Now if only Dresden had a bigger airport....
*I bought a vacuum and may possibly love it more than life itself.
*This last piece of news confirms the fact that I am turning into an old person.
Well, holy mother of all blog posts. If you made it this far, then here's a cookie. Enjoy it.
More to come, as soon as something interesting happens, or I buy another home cleaning tool.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Iron Chef Europe
I've just finished cooking up a veritable STORM, and feel inclined to share this good news with the world. After dining with my good friend Anne Kalos last night, and eating some delicious food she prepared, I felt inspired to do my own cooking. So I actually did it! I made tofu and veggie stir fry with peanut sauce, and a vegetable cheese frittata.
Well, the stir fry was mildly successful- I forgot to add the vinegar to the peanut sauce, and I think that made it a little bit on the salty/oily side. But it tasted good, and there are LEFTOVERS. And you know what that means people- lunch tomorrow, easily reheatable in the staffroom microwave. The fritata just came out of the oven, and it LOOKS perfect. I haven't tasted it yet, I'm saving it for breakfast- and I just hope that it tastes as good as it looks.
I will admit, I feel quite proud of myself. And here's the part that really surprises me and makes me feel like maybe there IS hope for my domesticity- I actually ENJOYED the cooking process! It was extremely relaxing and slightly therapeutic to spend two hours chopping and slicing and dicing and frying and mixing and baking. To those of you who know me well, you know I've never been much of a cook. My most impressive meals were egg scrambles or microwaved veggie burgers stuck between a couple pieces of toast. So I feel like this is a milestone in my life...I enjoyed cooking something! And it's not like I was even doing it to impress someone else who was coming over to eat- I did it just because I wanted to.
I'm uncharacteristically excited about my culinary adventures.
Well, it's been quite awhile since I updated, let's see what I have to say. I need to just sift through all the rubble and come up with the most important things.
I went to London, which was a great choice and a fantastic trip. I stayed for five (and a half) days, and really fell in love with the place while I was there. I'd been once before when I was studying in Salzburg, but I only stayed for three days so I didn't get to see everything I wanted to. This time, I really got to do some amazing exploring...and shopping! Boy, did I shop. Books, clothes, books, coffee...what a fantastic city. I saw TWO musicals, spent hours in the British library, haunted multiple coffee shops, visited a couple of castles, strolled through a few perfectly manicured gardens, saw a movie (English movies are few and far between in Dresden), met some funny boys and girls at my hostel, ate lots of Cadbury products, and bought some non-H and M clothing.
I can't wait to go back. I think I'd be quite happy living there actually- who's up for a London flat share?
About two weeks after the Great Britain Experience, TWENTY other people and I headed off to Stockholm for a long weekend. My friend Roy planned the whole thing for us- it's the easiest trip I've gone on since fall/spring tours back in the Salzburg days. Sadly, there was no meal allowance on this trip (which actually should have been called the booze allowance), but really all we had to do was follow Roy's directions, sit back, and enjoy the ride. He booked our flights, our transportation to and from the airport, our hostel, and managed to find us two restaurants that served us DELICIOUS dinners.
Highlights of this trip included our three hour tour (really) around the archipelago of Stockholm (who knew the city was spread out over several islands?) and a visit to the ICE BAR. The name really says it all- EVERYTHING is made out of ice. The chairs, the tables, the bar, the walls, the shot glasses. Before we went in, a big burly Swedish bouncer literally threw heavy fur capes over our heads, and then shoved us in the door. I was a bit skeptical about the necessity of such a ridiculous piece of outerwear, but it turned out to be a necessary addition to my jeans and t-shirt. That place was CHILLY. I loved every minute of it though- I just couldn't get over the novelty of the icy-ness.
We also stayed on a bostel- boat/hostel. Sleeping on the boat was pretty hilarious, especially when waters got a little rough while I was trying to take a shower. Combine the rocking of the boat with the slippery shower floor- yowza, things came close to getting very ugly. Luckily, I have cat like reflexes and balance....also luckily, no one else was in the shower room at the time to see me being pitched through my shower curtain and almost falling flat on my face.
And now, there are only 8.5 days left in the school year. 8.5 days left in my first year of teaching, a year that I thought would NEVER END. I have many conflicting feelings on this past year, to be shared at a later date- it's a long post in itself, and it seems to be way past my bedtime.
It's balls to the wall for all of this week, squeezing in as much teaching as I can before all those pesky year end assessments are due. Wish me luck.
Well, the stir fry was mildly successful- I forgot to add the vinegar to the peanut sauce, and I think that made it a little bit on the salty/oily side. But it tasted good, and there are LEFTOVERS. And you know what that means people- lunch tomorrow, easily reheatable in the staffroom microwave. The fritata just came out of the oven, and it LOOKS perfect. I haven't tasted it yet, I'm saving it for breakfast- and I just hope that it tastes as good as it looks.
I will admit, I feel quite proud of myself. And here's the part that really surprises me and makes me feel like maybe there IS hope for my domesticity- I actually ENJOYED the cooking process! It was extremely relaxing and slightly therapeutic to spend two hours chopping and slicing and dicing and frying and mixing and baking. To those of you who know me well, you know I've never been much of a cook. My most impressive meals were egg scrambles or microwaved veggie burgers stuck between a couple pieces of toast. So I feel like this is a milestone in my life...I enjoyed cooking something! And it's not like I was even doing it to impress someone else who was coming over to eat- I did it just because I wanted to.
I'm uncharacteristically excited about my culinary adventures.
Well, it's been quite awhile since I updated, let's see what I have to say. I need to just sift through all the rubble and come up with the most important things.
I went to London, which was a great choice and a fantastic trip. I stayed for five (and a half) days, and really fell in love with the place while I was there. I'd been once before when I was studying in Salzburg, but I only stayed for three days so I didn't get to see everything I wanted to. This time, I really got to do some amazing exploring...and shopping! Boy, did I shop. Books, clothes, books, coffee...what a fantastic city. I saw TWO musicals, spent hours in the British library, haunted multiple coffee shops, visited a couple of castles, strolled through a few perfectly manicured gardens, saw a movie (English movies are few and far between in Dresden), met some funny boys and girls at my hostel, ate lots of Cadbury products, and bought some non-H and M clothing.
I can't wait to go back. I think I'd be quite happy living there actually- who's up for a London flat share?
About two weeks after the Great Britain Experience, TWENTY other people and I headed off to Stockholm for a long weekend. My friend Roy planned the whole thing for us- it's the easiest trip I've gone on since fall/spring tours back in the Salzburg days. Sadly, there was no meal allowance on this trip (which actually should have been called the booze allowance), but really all we had to do was follow Roy's directions, sit back, and enjoy the ride. He booked our flights, our transportation to and from the airport, our hostel, and managed to find us two restaurants that served us DELICIOUS dinners.
Highlights of this trip included our three hour tour (really) around the archipelago of Stockholm (who knew the city was spread out over several islands?) and a visit to the ICE BAR. The name really says it all- EVERYTHING is made out of ice. The chairs, the tables, the bar, the walls, the shot glasses. Before we went in, a big burly Swedish bouncer literally threw heavy fur capes over our heads, and then shoved us in the door. I was a bit skeptical about the necessity of such a ridiculous piece of outerwear, but it turned out to be a necessary addition to my jeans and t-shirt. That place was CHILLY. I loved every minute of it though- I just couldn't get over the novelty of the icy-ness.
We also stayed on a bostel- boat/hostel. Sleeping on the boat was pretty hilarious, especially when waters got a little rough while I was trying to take a shower. Combine the rocking of the boat with the slippery shower floor- yowza, things came close to getting very ugly. Luckily, I have cat like reflexes and balance....also luckily, no one else was in the shower room at the time to see me being pitched through my shower curtain and almost falling flat on my face.
And now, there are only 8.5 days left in the school year. 8.5 days left in my first year of teaching, a year that I thought would NEVER END. I have many conflicting feelings on this past year, to be shared at a later date- it's a long post in itself, and it seems to be way past my bedtime.
It's balls to the wall for all of this week, squeezing in as much teaching as I can before all those pesky year end assessments are due. Wish me luck.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Spring Break '09! WOOOH!
NO PARENTS! WHO'S GOT THE MERLOT?!
Ok so it's really not going to be that kind of a spring break. But I am going to go somewhere interesting. I just can't seem to decide. And said break is a mere THREE days away! Oh man, I can almost taste it. The kinder and I both need a break, that's for sure.
So here is the million dollar question. Or rather, the approximately 300 euro question (the maximum amount I have allotted for spending). Where should I go? I have two possible locations.
1) London. I have been there once before, but only for a couple of days. I've been told by natives that this is laughable and that I have to go back.
2) Edinburgh. For some reason I've become obsessed with visiting Scotland. Only problem: I don't know much about it, or if I would have a good time by myself.
Ok that's all. Input would be appreciated. Not that I won't just do what I want anyway, but maybe you can help me decide.
Peace friends.
Ok so it's really not going to be that kind of a spring break. But I am going to go somewhere interesting. I just can't seem to decide. And said break is a mere THREE days away! Oh man, I can almost taste it. The kinder and I both need a break, that's for sure.
So here is the million dollar question. Or rather, the approximately 300 euro question (the maximum amount I have allotted for spending). Where should I go? I have two possible locations.
1) London. I have been there once before, but only for a couple of days. I've been told by natives that this is laughable and that I have to go back.
2) Edinburgh. For some reason I've become obsessed with visiting Scotland. Only problem: I don't know much about it, or if I would have a good time by myself.
Ok that's all. Input would be appreciated. Not that I won't just do what I want anyway, but maybe you can help me decide.
Peace friends.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Dinner in Deutschland
Well, that's the last time I do any impulse buying in the frozen meat section.
While grocery shopping last week, I couldn't be bothered to take time to decipher the description printed on the front of a box of what I thought were frozen chicken breasts. I tossed the box into my shopping bag and went on my merry way, coming home with the chicken, and about eight billion condiments. I have developed this strange habit lately of going into the store intending to buy, you know, real food, and coming out with nothing but condiments. I have more gourmet mustard, salad dressing, dipping sauces, etc. than anyone could ever ask for. Do I have anything to apply said sauces to? Nope. Nothing.
Thus my feeling of accomplishment when I bought an entire BOX of chicken. I could dunk and slather to my heart's content.
Well. It would seem reading the front of a box of frozen meat is a highly advisable thing to do. Imagine my shock and dismay when I opened the box of chicken breasts to find an extremely strange looking array of parts. Yes, it was an entire chicken, butchered in possibly the weirdest manner I could ever have imagined. There were two pieces that looked very claw-like...I've had trouble banishing the image from my mind. I was kind of at a loss as to what to do with this pan of chicken...it was a WHOLE chicken, and thus full of meat. But it looked absolutely diiiiiiisgusting. 100% unappetizing. And this is coming from someone who will eat just about anything. Or, at least try just about anything. I cite the gumball incident junior year of high school as a reference. (Krystyn, this citation is obviously for your own personal enjoyment.)
Well, I ended up half-heartedly sliding it into the oven, hoping that maybe it would improve with heat. Of course I then proceeded to start a craft project and completely forget that I had something cooking. I didn't remember until I went into the kitchen to get some orange juice and sniffed the air thinking "What is that strange sme- oh shit!" So I ended up with chicken...jerky. Which is even grosser than what I started with. It's currently swaddled in foil, taking up room in my teeny tiny refrigerator. I'm unsure what to do with it.
Priamary moral of the story: read the fucking label.
Tertiary moral of the story: memorize the German words for "entire" and "carcass." Avoid anything in the future that includes these two words.
While grocery shopping last week, I couldn't be bothered to take time to decipher the description printed on the front of a box of what I thought were frozen chicken breasts. I tossed the box into my shopping bag and went on my merry way, coming home with the chicken, and about eight billion condiments. I have developed this strange habit lately of going into the store intending to buy, you know, real food, and coming out with nothing but condiments. I have more gourmet mustard, salad dressing, dipping sauces, etc. than anyone could ever ask for. Do I have anything to apply said sauces to? Nope. Nothing.
Thus my feeling of accomplishment when I bought an entire BOX of chicken. I could dunk and slather to my heart's content.
Well. It would seem reading the front of a box of frozen meat is a highly advisable thing to do. Imagine my shock and dismay when I opened the box of chicken breasts to find an extremely strange looking array of parts. Yes, it was an entire chicken, butchered in possibly the weirdest manner I could ever have imagined. There were two pieces that looked very claw-like...I've had trouble banishing the image from my mind. I was kind of at a loss as to what to do with this pan of chicken...it was a WHOLE chicken, and thus full of meat. But it looked absolutely diiiiiiisgusting. 100% unappetizing. And this is coming from someone who will eat just about anything. Or, at least try just about anything. I cite the gumball incident junior year of high school as a reference. (Krystyn, this citation is obviously for your own personal enjoyment.)
Well, I ended up half-heartedly sliding it into the oven, hoping that maybe it would improve with heat. Of course I then proceeded to start a craft project and completely forget that I had something cooking. I didn't remember until I went into the kitchen to get some orange juice and sniffed the air thinking "What is that strange sme- oh shit!" So I ended up with chicken...jerky. Which is even grosser than what I started with. It's currently swaddled in foil, taking up room in my teeny tiny refrigerator. I'm unsure what to do with it.
Priamary moral of the story: read the fucking label.
Tertiary moral of the story: memorize the German words for "entire" and "carcass." Avoid anything in the future that includes these two words.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Run for the Border
That used to be Taco Bell's slogan, and then they had to get a new one. I don't know why, it's not like that's at all offensive to anyone....
The only reason I bring this up (aside from the fact that I often long for any kind of Mexican food in this country of nothing but sausage and potatoes), is because yesterday I did some running for the border myself. Dresden is situated at the eastern edge of Germany, pretty much equidistant from the Czech and Polish borders. I am a fan of this location, and I'll tell you why. Because the novelty of being able to hop on a train, spend a pleasant one to two hours staring out the window at idyllic landscape, and then hop off in another country, never gets old. I hesitate to leave the previous sentence in it's present form, as I don't think it is grammatically correct. But I don't really feel like going back and fixing it, so I'll just have to let my grammar neurosis simmer for now. So, my current geographical location looks something like this:
I live in Dresden, one of those red dots.
The only reason I bring this up (aside from the fact that I often long for any kind of Mexican food in this country of nothing but sausage and potatoes), is because yesterday I did some running for the border myself. Dresden is situated at the eastern edge of Germany, pretty much equidistant from the Czech and Polish borders. I am a fan of this location, and I'll tell you why. Because the novelty of being able to hop on a train, spend a pleasant one to two hours staring out the window at idyllic landscape, and then hop off in another country, never gets old. I hesitate to leave the previous sentence in it's present form, as I don't think it is grammatically correct. But I don't really feel like going back and fixing it, so I'll just have to let my grammar neurosis simmer for now. So, my current geographical location looks something like this:
I live in Dresden, one of those red dots.As you can see, it's quite easterly. Yes, that is a word! Do not dispute me. An interesting observation that comes to me while viewing this map is that Berlin is really almost a straight line north, but is considered to be part of WESTERN Germany. Yes, the whole country has been unified for twenty years now, and everyone is one big, happy, beer swilling and sausage eating family. But people here still make comments all the time about those "westerners." Light hearted (and e-blogger can suck a big one for underlining that word in red and telling me it's incorrect, because I KNOW IT IS. Stupid machines trying to take over the world) comments to be sure, usually made as a joke. But there still seems to be a bit of cultural differences between the western and eastern parts of the country. Anyone who is actually German, or actually more knowledgeable than me on the subject of German reunification (so really, a lot of people) please take my remarks as the ramblings of a young American woman living in Germany, who really gets a kick out of over analyzing things and psycho-analyzing people and what they say. Nothing more.
Ok, ok, I am getting to the point. Not that any of the "points" I make on this thing are all that interesting or newsworthy. Yesterday, a couple of pals and I got on the train in the morning, and an hour later, voila! We were in Poland. Well, technically, we were still in Germany. The town we arrived in is a town on the very edge of the German/Polish border. Through the years, it's gone back and forth between being officially German and officially Polish. At least, I think that's what I read in the guide book. Like I said, I'm no expert. After World War 2 though, when countries were being hacked up and doled out like a Thanksgiving turkey (nice metaphor, I know), the mucky mucks in charge of the hacking decided that a great solution would be to just split this town down the middle, since it was right on the border. There is a small, sluggish river that flows through the middle of it, and this became the border between the two countries- effectively dividing one city between two countries. It's definitely a unique experience to take a two minute stroll across a bridge, and suddenly be in another country. All the street signs go from German to Polish, the food goes from German to Polish, the people suddenly sprechen more Polnish than Deutsch, wocka wocka wocka. You get the point.
The really stunning thing was the difference in upkeep on the two banks of the river. The German side was filled with well preserved ancient buildings, and was clean and orderly. Typical Germany. Well, the clean and orderly part, that is. The Polish side was...well, as my Polish traveling companion put it "a real shit town." Her words, not mine. I've got nothing against Poland...I happen to quite like the place. I don't know what this says about politics or anything, I just thought it was extremely interesting to see that juxtaposition.
Aside from the whole division of countries part, the town of Goerlitz (it's supposed to have an umlaut over the 'o' but I don't know how to make my non-German keyboard do that) has a few other things going for it. It's one of the very few places in the eastern part of Germany- no, scratch that, Germany as a whole- that wasn't totally decimated during the war. A lot of the cities have done a ton of rebuilding, and so it looks like all the cathedrals and palaces miraculously survived the bombings, no problem. Dresden is probably the grandaddy of all these places, because the whole place was levelled, and in the past ten years or so they've rebuilt a lot of the major architectural landmarks. If I didn't know better, I would assume the buildings had just aged really well.
But, I digress! Goerlitz happens to be a survivor of all this. There are buildings there that date back to 1230. It was a very enjoyable place to stroll around in, and imagine all the people who had gone in and out of those buildings for centuries. I love to think of what places would have been like in another time, and so my imagination really runs a muck in places like that, where all I have to do is zap passerby into 14th century garb and call it good. No modern buildings to banish, and I don't have to ferret out which buildings are really ancient and which ones are impostors.
All in all, a lovely place for a huge nerd like myself. Also, feasting on cheap and deep fried Polish perogis (I can neither confirm nor deny if that word is spelled correctly) wasn't half bad either.
In addition to aaaaall of this, yesterday was one of the most beautiful days we've had round' these parts in months. Sunshine, blue skies, lambs frolicking through green meadows. The part about the lambs might be me taking creative license....but you'll never know, will you?
I wish I was more adept at sprinkling photos throughout my blog post, but I seem to have trouble with that sort of thing. So below you shall find some pictures of this well preserved half German/half Polish town.
Ok, ok, I am getting to the point. Not that any of the "points" I make on this thing are all that interesting or newsworthy. Yesterday, a couple of pals and I got on the train in the morning, and an hour later, voila! We were in Poland. Well, technically, we were still in Germany. The town we arrived in is a town on the very edge of the German/Polish border. Through the years, it's gone back and forth between being officially German and officially Polish. At least, I think that's what I read in the guide book. Like I said, I'm no expert. After World War 2 though, when countries were being hacked up and doled out like a Thanksgiving turkey (nice metaphor, I know), the mucky mucks in charge of the hacking decided that a great solution would be to just split this town down the middle, since it was right on the border. There is a small, sluggish river that flows through the middle of it, and this became the border between the two countries- effectively dividing one city between two countries. It's definitely a unique experience to take a two minute stroll across a bridge, and suddenly be in another country. All the street signs go from German to Polish, the food goes from German to Polish, the people suddenly sprechen more Polnish than Deutsch, wocka wocka wocka. You get the point.
The really stunning thing was the difference in upkeep on the two banks of the river. The German side was filled with well preserved ancient buildings, and was clean and orderly. Typical Germany. Well, the clean and orderly part, that is. The Polish side was...well, as my Polish traveling companion put it "a real shit town." Her words, not mine. I've got nothing against Poland...I happen to quite like the place. I don't know what this says about politics or anything, I just thought it was extremely interesting to see that juxtaposition.
Aside from the whole division of countries part, the town of Goerlitz (it's supposed to have an umlaut over the 'o' but I don't know how to make my non-German keyboard do that) has a few other things going for it. It's one of the very few places in the eastern part of Germany- no, scratch that, Germany as a whole- that wasn't totally decimated during the war. A lot of the cities have done a ton of rebuilding, and so it looks like all the cathedrals and palaces miraculously survived the bombings, no problem. Dresden is probably the grandaddy of all these places, because the whole place was levelled, and in the past ten years or so they've rebuilt a lot of the major architectural landmarks. If I didn't know better, I would assume the buildings had just aged really well.
But, I digress! Goerlitz happens to be a survivor of all this. There are buildings there that date back to 1230. It was a very enjoyable place to stroll around in, and imagine all the people who had gone in and out of those buildings for centuries. I love to think of what places would have been like in another time, and so my imagination really runs a muck in places like that, where all I have to do is zap passerby into 14th century garb and call it good. No modern buildings to banish, and I don't have to ferret out which buildings are really ancient and which ones are impostors.
All in all, a lovely place for a huge nerd like myself. Also, feasting on cheap and deep fried Polish perogis (I can neither confirm nor deny if that word is spelled correctly) wasn't half bad either.
In addition to aaaaall of this, yesterday was one of the most beautiful days we've had round' these parts in months. Sunshine, blue skies, lambs frolicking through green meadows. The part about the lambs might be me taking creative license....but you'll never know, will you?
I wish I was more adept at sprinkling photos throughout my blog post, but I seem to have trouble with that sort of thing. So below you shall find some pictures of this well preserved half German/half Polish town.
Some 16th century buildings.
Cross that bridge, and you're in Poland.
That's the wave I use to address the commoners, who gather below my dais.
I seem to have serious layout issues. Eh well, we can't all be masters at everything we attempt to do, I suppose. Enjoy the photos, they were taken by my friend Lyn. I hope she doesn't sue me for breach of copyright...shit.
That's about all folks- I have a broom and a bottle of all purpose cleaner calling my name. Oh, and no updates on the theft situation yet. I am awaiting response from the bank, after having faxed a righteously indignant letter their way, explaining my current situation of financial distress. I hope they call me tomorrow....if they don't, I'll have to start calling people and annoying them until they give me my money back.
If only my Papa were here, the chant in an especially loud and obnoxious voice "QUACK QUACK QUACK, QUACK QUACK QUACK, WHEN DO I GET MY MONEY BACK!?"
He's really a pro, and has yelled it at us, his grandchildren, at really inappropriate moments for as far back as I can remember. I might have to get a long distance conference call going if things don't sort themselves out soon.
Oh, and I am down to THREE girls in my class. This has increased the number of times in a day when I ask myself if those vitamins I take each morning might actually be CRAZY PILLS in diguise, from once or twice to approximately 1,234. Good thing I love those little gremlins.
That's about all folks- I have a broom and a bottle of all purpose cleaner calling my name. Oh, and no updates on the theft situation yet. I am awaiting response from the bank, after having faxed a righteously indignant letter their way, explaining my current situation of financial distress. I hope they call me tomorrow....if they don't, I'll have to start calling people and annoying them until they give me my money back.
If only my Papa were here, the chant in an especially loud and obnoxious voice "QUACK QUACK QUACK, QUACK QUACK QUACK, WHEN DO I GET MY MONEY BACK!?"
He's really a pro, and has yelled it at us, his grandchildren, at really inappropriate moments for as far back as I can remember. I might have to get a long distance conference call going if things don't sort themselves out soon.
Oh, and I am down to THREE girls in my class. This has increased the number of times in a day when I ask myself if those vitamins I take each morning might actually be CRAZY PILLS in diguise, from once or twice to approximately 1,234. Good thing I love those little gremlins.
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