Sunday, September 20, 2009

I Love Oregon.

Possibly infringing on someone's something, somewhere. Apologies.

An excerpt from John Hodgman's "Secret History of the Territory. "


OREGON

Nickname: The Big Beaver Furrier’s Dreamland

Motto: “In Oregon, Where the Shadows Lie.”

Notes: Prior to the Oregon Treaty of 1846, the Oregon Territory was a rugged land, dangerously overrun with beavers and British settlers, and stretching from the tip of present-day Cailfornia to the North Pole. Seriously, it was simply gigantic. Parts of Oregon were regularly found in empty lots and basements as far east as Illinois. When Oregon was discovered hanging around the outskirts of Baltimore, President Polk cried out, “Fifty-Four Forty or Fight!” His council of numerologists immediately scryed the meaning: Oregon was to be stopped. After two years of concerted spellweaving and secret bloody battles, the president’s geographimancers at last fixed Oregon’s northward boundary to the 49th parallel. With Oregon’s back to the sea, the government would continue long after Polk’s death to push Oregon south from Canada and west from the Rockies to its current boundaries, where it seethes now, perpetually covered in a dark cloud of marijuana smoke, ever dreaming of conquest.

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